We’ve all been there.

Something throws us off track: a crazy week at work, unexpected bills, family stress, a bad night’s sleep… and suddenly the thing we were so committed to doing (whether it’s eating better, staying organized, or sticking to a new habit) gets pushed aside.

And when that happens, we say it:

“I’m just showing myself some grace.”

Now, don’t get me wrong, grace is essential. We need to show ourselves grace. Life happens, and none of us are perfect. But over time, I’ve learned there’s a very real and very dangerous line between showing yourself grace and giving yourself excuses.

When It’s Truly Grace

When you’re truly giving yourself grace, it’s usually quiet. It’s that internal voice that says:

“Okay, this didn’t go as planned. It’s disappointing, but I’ll do better tomorrow. I know what I need to do, I just need to regroup and move forward.”

That kind of grace is healthy. It’s kind. It keeps you from spiraling into guilt and shame.

You don’t need to explain it to the world. You don’t feel the urge to justify it on social media or to your friends. You simply acknowledge the setback, give yourself compassion, and then get back up.

That’s grace. That’s growth.

When It’s Really an Excuse

But here’s where it gets tricky and this is where I had to call myself out, too.

If you find yourself explaining over and over again why you haven’t done the thing… if you’re telling everyone how “life has just been crazy lately” or how “you’re showing yourself grace because you’ve just had so much going on”, there’s a good chance what you’re really doing is giving yourself an excuse.

You’re not showing grace; you’re justifying avoidance.

And it’s sneaky, because it feels kind and self-aware. But what it really does is convince your brain that inaction is okay.

It becomes a habit… one that feels like self-care, but actually keeps you stuck.

The Honest Conversation

Here’s the hard truth:

Grace heals. Excuses stall.

One helps you move forward, and the other gives you permission to stay right where you are.

I’ve done both many times. I’ve used “grace” to justify skipping workouts, putting off projects, and staying in my comfort zone longer than I should. But the older I get, and the deeper I go into my weight loss, self-discovery, and self-care journey, the more I realize how powerful self-honesty really is.

We can love ourselves and still hold ourselves accountable.

We can be gentle and still be disciplined.

We can give grace without giving up.

A Little Challenge for You (and Me)

Next time you hear yourself say, “I’m giving myself grace,” pause and ask:

• Am I comforting myself or excusing myself?

• Is this truly a moment of rest, or am I avoiding discomfort?

• What would it look like to give myself grace and still show up for myself?

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to push yourself relentlessly.

But you do owe it to yourself to be honest about the difference between self-care and self-sabotage.

Because grace should help you heal, not hide.

With love,

Mindy